November is over, thank God.
It was a helluva month for me, and although I made it through, I still feel it. I feel the remnants of what November showed me, and what I learned about myself for the millionth time in my 27 years of life.
I am not superwoman.
I wrote the title of this piece then got on Facebook because I was afraid to tell the truth. Let me start from the beginning, though. Maybe it will help. Maybe you’ll understand. Maybe I’ll understand.
Seven years ago my hurt was given a name: depression. Two years later anxiety jumped on board. Monday I had a mental breakdown.
The biggest challenge I’ll face if I ever have a daughter is learning and practicing self-love. I want her to know from the very start how to love herself, from the curls on her head to her little toes; to love herself inside and out. There’s no way I can teach my future daughter the importance of loving herself or how to if I don’t know how. I have to learn for myself and be able to model it for her to see just how amazing, how necessary self-love is.
Friday (April 21) I turned 27. It may not be a “big year” like 25 or 30, but as I think back I realize that it has still been one of the biggest because of my growth personally, spiritually, and everything else. It may sound cliche, but this is what I have learned.
Today I was harassed by two men at the same time.
It was 4:45 and I was in my car and on my daily phone call with my mom. I was in the middle lane, waiting on the light to change. On my left were two men in a car — on my right a city bus with a male driver. Out of the corner of my eye I see the man on my right trying to get my attention. I look his way and realize he’s talking to the bus driver.
My first memory ever is of me waiting in the window of our living room for my father to pick me up. It must’ve been winter because I remember being hot, zipped up in my coat that I refused to take off because he was “five minutes away.”
He never showed.
About a month ago I lost a friend… a best friend.
Let’s take a step back…..
I was a bridesmaid in her wedding (yes only a bridesmaid despite being her ONLY best friend for 7 years) and I was super excited to witness her union. I was also equally as excited to be turning 25, but apparently I had to choose.
Recently, videos of teen star Maia Campbell have surfaced of her in a drug induced state. In one, Maia is seen begging for drugs and acting outlandishly. In another she is seen declining help from LL Cool J, her former co-star of “In The House.”
It’s been no secret that Maia has suffered from substance abuse and bipolar disorder. In 2012, Maia talked about her issues on Iyanla’s Fix My Life, and it is apparent then that although she was working to improve her situation, she was struggling. It was difficult for me to watch. There was nothing there.
Everyone in this world has a treasure chest.
Well, maybe it’s a jewelry set or a toolbox — if you believe in being societal gender-specific norms.
Maybe it’s that Walmart storage container that you bought after the holidays. Or maybe you’re a bougie hipster (if there is such a thing) and you got it from the Container Store.
The point is, we all have things we like to hold near and dear to our soul.