Just because your auntie has been married for 30 years doesn’t mean she can tell you how to be married. And just because your sister has been on the dating scene longer than you don’t (yes DON’T) mean she has all the answers.
Growing up I would listen to my sisters talk their shit and give all the relationship advice. “Don’t ever love a man more than he loves you” “Make sure you get his money before you give him your goods” “You never feed that man on a paper plate” “Men ain’t shit” “Men are dogs” “There’s 20 men to every woman” “You need to be sexy for him at all times, otherwise another woman will”… As a result I grew this distrust for men that made no sense.
I’d never truly been hurt by a man and I always had the love of my father. Yeah, I’d had boyfriends that did stuff to make me sad and I had questions that went unanswered sometimes but nothing left me scarred and I never really dealt with “AINT SHIT” men. It took for me to get in my current relationship to realize the stories I created about men, more specifically black men were false. Not to mention NONE OF THE ADVICE WORKS IN MY RELATIONSHIP!
Don’t get me wrong, all advice is not bad advice, and sometimes we need to talk to someone else to figure things out, but I’ve learned that all relationships are different and what works for you may not work for me and vice versa.
My BLACK man is not a dog and he’s not a cheater. In fact, in the 2 almost 3 years we’ve been together I’ve never felt like that was our fight. When he asked me to be his woman, he made it clear that he’d waited so long to make sure he was ready to be my man and my man only. I didn’t have to wait to love him or play games with him because he didn’t play games with my heart and quiet as it’s kept, he does most of the cooking when we’re together. I don’t have to take the backseat for him to feel like he’s the man and even when ego becomes an issue we’re able to talk it through. I’ve never questioned whether or not he’d be a good father one day and whether I’ll have to deal with the “daddy baby sitter syndrome.”. It’s okay for me to be “ugly” and tired, and I don’t have to constantly prove to him that I’m beautiful. We don’t have to live together prior to marriage to know that we one day want to be married. We know that living together will be an adjustment, but we also know that we both enjoy our space so rushing it doesn’t make sense for our lives. We both want children, baby fever is real and Lil Shad is already loved, however we’re mature enough to know we’re not ready and that a child doesn’t mean we love one another more.
We’re learning how to love one another on our terms and although it’s both of our first real relationship, we’ve made some huge strides in the short time we’ve been together. I’m okay with being vulnerable and not feeling like he’s going to take advantage. I’m okay with him going out with friends and getting cute without worrying about him stepping out. More importantly I’m okay with him loving me the way he has been loving me because every day his love for me grows and every day I’m more and more excited to do BLACK LOVE with him.