I Found My Magic
How saying yes revealed my purpose
I have known for a very long time that I am not normal. I rarely fit into social groups; at school I was too smart, at church I was too involved, and everywhere else I just did not belong. In the beginning I didn’t understand, so I tried to fit in. I tried to do what everybody else was doing so that I could be a part of something. I tried to be normal.
After a while, I realized that normal was the same as boring. I spent so many years trying to prove that I was just like everybody else that I lost sight of myself, and in turn felt even more left out than ever before.
But then, then I said yes.
Let me be clear. This saying yes did not happen overnight. Honestly, it took years - YEARS - of me running away from what I knew deep down was my destiny before I finally accepted it.
Saying yes is hard, sometimes, its harder than saying no. Saying yes means that you are agreeing to put in effort, change something about you that is comfortable. Saying yes means that you choose to not fit in.
So, why did I say yes after years of saying no? Great question.
I got tired.
And not that I’m gonna take a nap and shake it off kind of tired. I felt a kind of tired that manifested itself through a restlessness of spirit. No matter where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, or why I was doing it, I was never happy. Even when I was happy I wasn’t happy. I was jumping around, looking for new projects and dropping them just as fast, because I was so bored with the ‘normal’ that I literally did not know what to do with myself. I had gotten to a place that if I didn’t say yes, I knew that my spirit would die.
My yes came in stages. The first thing I said yes to was moving to another state. I said yes to this by mistake. It ended up being the best mistake of my life. Lesson learned: take a chance on yourself. The worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work.
Then, I said yes to ministry, again. I became a leader in a church that I was fairly new to, because, well, favor speaks for itself. That yes led me to the bigger yes in ministry - accepting the call to preach. Lesson learned: God will meet you where you are and clear the path because of the favor He has placed on your life.
This is the part that I REALLY ran from. I did not want anything to do with being a minister. But it’s not about me, and that’s a blog for a later date. Lesson learned: your life is not your own.
Then, I said yes to purpose.
Yes, ministry is a part of it, but one of the most important lessons I’ve learned is this: even ministry has a ministry. Everyone is not called to stand in the pulpit, and this became clear to me as I stopped trying to control my world and gave the reins back to God.
Everyone is born with purpose. I have come to realize that we live life in search of that purpose, and we become our best selves when we find, cultivate, and work it. You won’t see what you need to see until you move.
The Burden - a burden is defined as a special, deep, compelling concern or assignment. As a minister I have a particular burden, and that assignment is where my purpose lies. It makes itself clear and comes with confirmation, but you have to trust what is in you by developing your spirit man. Despite your imperfection - in fact, because of your imperfection, God has called you to do what you are to do.
The Manifestation - your purpose and your burden will manifest itself both naturally and spiritually. This is why it is extremely important that you are grounded in the word of God so that you are equipped for the work.
The Divide - one thing I know for sure is that purpose divides. It separates you from people, places, and things that either are not aligned with your destiny or have already served their purpose in your life. This is unavoidable - you can try all you want to keep that bae or go to that club, but remember, even on His worst day God is smarter than you. It won’t last too long, and the faster you accept that, the easier the severing.
The Uniting - yes, purpose divides, but it also unites. Just as you will be removed from the fruitless, you will be joined with what bears the fruit you need for that season. Your purpose is your vehicle to destiny, and at each intersection there is an exchange for your good. That’s in His Word.
The More - one thing I know for sure is this: as soon as I said yes, doors began to open in ways that I did not even imagine possible. As soon as I stopped trying to do it on my own, I was blessed with a joy and peace that surpasses all understanding.
Walking into your own greatness is terrifying. But, living life without experiencing that greatness - as well as what God has for me - is even scarier. I have never met a battle that God didn’t fight and win on my behalf, but I have fought and lost on my own. I have decided to stop fighting so that I can keep winning. That is the most magical thing that I have ever done for myself.